Opening your eyes to the world isn't enough any more. Things are hidden from view, and the old saying 'out of sight, out of mind' is more relevant now than ever. The world doesn't show you the things that need to be seen. The media promotes disinformation. Humanity fuels itself with ignorance. You need to open your mind. You need to think. I say that like it's a simple thing, but it's actually one of the most important things any one should ever do. People need to actively realise what's going on around them, what happened before they came about so the same mistakes aren't repeated. But they don't. People should. But they don't. Humanity has got about ten thousand years of mistakes to learn from, mistakes documented so frequently and commonly that a trip to the nearest good book store would surround oneself with the knowledge on how not to live. Open your mind. Please.

You’re sitting in your room ~ door locked ~ with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper infront of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter ~ your suicide letter. You try again, start over ~ again and again, but you don’t know where to begin. No one understands you; no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone  or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody.

It’s night, and you slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all.

No body cares, right? Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 7:21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn’t know you can’t hear her  she doesn’t know you’re gone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on the ground while your dad rushes to your room. Your siblings have already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got  which is close to nothing  to walk over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears escape his eyes; calling 000 or 911 with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said ‘no’ to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself  for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long. Nobody cares, right?

8:34. There’s a knock on your classroom door  it’s the school principle. She looks more worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side; all the students worried: what’s going on? The principle then later announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself. The kid that would always copy your homework but treat you like crap ~ he’s blaming himself. The boy that sits behind you ~ the one that always threw things at you during class ~ he’s blaming himself too. The teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did. They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you’ve never talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right?

Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone; forever. Your little sister ~ no matter how many times she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your stuff ~ always loved you, and saw you as her hero; her role model. She now starts to blame herself; why didn’t I do what she told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home ~ the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room; mad at himself ~ he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things; he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right?

It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday  still waiting for you to come back. Everyday she waits for you to come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re feeling. Your father has depression; your mother hasn’t slept for nights  it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and screaming every night  wishing for you to come back. The boy who would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren’t I right?

Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t  she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now. Never.

It’s your funeral. It’s a big one ~ everybody comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone; you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you. They all wish you’d come back  but you don’t, and you won’t.

Still think nobody cares about you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today  or any other day  you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it does have its ups and downs  everyone has their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their lives like you’re probably going through now  but bad times come and go. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life.

Take a minute now, and think. If you killed yourself ~ how would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable.

If after reading this you still feel suicidal, there are people that can help you. I’m here for you whenever you need me, and I’ll be more than happy to listen to you and try to help you feel better. There are teachers, parents, grandparents, neighbors, adults, councilors ~ they’re all there for you whenever you need them.

I just want you to remember three things: you’re beautiful, you’re not alone, and it does get better, I promise. ♥

I'd go to Germany with Bri
Italy with William
New York with Allie
London with Judi
Cuzco with Ali
France with Tee

Those places suit their personalities

People are sick, and they are dying in their thousands
and he just went and bought his kids each new houses
he didn't spare a thought, perhaps he just didn't think
but either way humanity is on the brink

Of growing further apart, the rich from the poor
and no one seems to give it a second thought
nobody cares about all of the suffering
and that we could all fix if it we just did something

The world is out of balance and I just can't take it
all the ignorance and apathy this world is so fake
cause people just don't think and when they try to imagine
they can't or ignore it cause they're too lazy to take action

I feel sick when I see so much time and money spent
on the superficial stuff and people just get closer to death
when things go wrong it's out of sight out of mind
because no one gives a shit until it affects their life

And it feels so wrong because if I was honest
I wish I was one of those who's ignorance was the strongest
but once you realise that something is wrong
you have a responsibility that's why I wrote this song

To make people realize that if we have the means
it's our job to fix it not just wallow in our greed
we can all do better if we just stop and look
and see how easy it is to change the effort that we put

Into helping the diseased and the poverty struck
I think it's high time people started to give a fuck
but unless average people start to think they can help
things will stay the same and earth will continue to be hell

It's down to you and not to anybody else
because everybody thinks that it shouldn't be themselves
so please stop being selfish and start to do what you should
and die knowing that you did everything you could

It actually works well

I see the world how it needs to be seen, my eyes can be whatever I want them to be. Because sometimes my eyes deserve more than the truth, sometimes, they deserve to have their faith rewarded. And so the world will hunt my eyes, because it has to, because I can take it. Because my eyes are what the world needs right now, but not what it deserves, they are a silent searcher, a watchful optimist, a dark kn(eye)t

I thought I'd write this all down because once your problems are out there for you to see it sometimes seems all a little better, and I think I need to feel better. I don't really know how to start, except with that I'm feeling alone. I know I'm not alone, I have so many amazing friends and I love them all so much, and they're my best friends and I just can't believe I'm so lucky to have them. But I'm selfish, and I just want one person all to myself, and seeing as no one is as amazing as the people I already do know then there's no point looking for someone who's just going to be second best to them. And school work is driving me so insane it's scary. I just want life to settle down and I want to relax. Someone tell me everything is going to be alright.